Dear Mom & Dad,
How incredible it is to live long enough to celebrate 40 years together! I wish not, for your sake, to take it for granted! Blessed lives and blessed people sometimes go unnoticed. We, your children, however, are too close not to see, too close not to notice, and close enough to be the ones honored to sing your praises. And today is such a day, to stand and voice our gratitude to you and to the Lord who kept you along the way.
Forty years is not a short time – I should know, for I’ve not been alive for that long. It’s long enough for any hurried oath made in the heat of the moment to be broken. It’s long enough for temptations to arise, pressing anyone to cast their vows aside and throw in the towel. Because the cold and chilling wind of hard times eventually comes to snuff out any smoldering wick, and to extinguish the warmth of any pretentious infatuation. That’s why I’m thankful for the union that has weathered the storms, because it’s not a given that the ship won’t wreck! And I’m especially thankful because I’m among those whose life depended on the survival of this ship!
People love new beginnings. And why shouldn’t they? They’re usually exciting and full of hope. The newness of an object represents something whole, unbroken, intact, untouched, unspoiled, without any mark of decay. That’s how we feel at most wedding parties seeing young people, with no wrinkles, nothing broken and with pristine hearts. As much enthusiasm we have for this novelty, we feel more appreciation for durability. To be able to survive all sorts of bad conditions and come out still strong is the resilience we all want to possess. For the beauty of a house doesn’t matter if a strong wind, or the slightest earthquake brings it to the ground, and the grace and elegance of a ship count for nothing if it cannot survive stormy gales. Likewise, in marriage, the question is not if but when will trials come? And come they do!
Within these forty years, there have been many such turbulent times. There are those that we, as your children, are not aware of and will probably never know; hard times that you secretly carried on your backs (perhaps to shield us). These were like wounds that you had to hide behind clothes for us not to be worried. Or like leaks hidden beneath the waterline that you had to labor to mend for the sake of the ship and those that are in it. Then there are others that came as angry billows, threatening to break the ship in pieces. These we certainly saw and felt. A few of them truly terrified us. I could list a handful of those that took a special target on each one of your children, or instances when we (as if) turned around and charged against you and became your trials ourselves – if that makes sense.
It’s easy to lose your cool and become easily irritable when disturbance comes, but never have I witnessed a moment when you turned against each other and clashed in anger, or never have things devolved into shouting matches or pure violence. Were there not moments of disagreement? I’m sure there were plenty, but you’ve shown us that the best way to deal with them is with an attitude of respect and love. Were there not moments when you irritated each other? Not that I’ve ever seen…But I’m sure there were plenty, and in this you’ve shown us (and proved to us) that true greatness is displayed when one rules his own spirit, rather than in one’s capacity to conquer a city (Prov. 16:32). You know how some take it for granted that they get by for years without a single worry about mechanical conditions of their car; well those with dysfunctional vehicles would not be complacent about that! Such is how I see your marriage, and may my children also experience the freedom from this worry. Therefore, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for doing all that you could to preserve this sacred bond. For we, your children, had enough time to glean from it invaluable lessons that, hopefully, will also outlive us.
The beauty of the marriage has not shone only through darkness, hardship and turbulence. The sky doesn’t always frown. At some point, a gentle breeze descends to bring about rest and to sweep away recent fears. We’ve lived such times with you, when something pays off; when things go on smoothly and are made easy, or when some grace, by divine providence, is poured abundantly on our family. Moments of joy and happiness, milestones to celebrate, accomplishments made and miracles performed. What shall we render to the Lord for all his blessings and for all his benefits?
These were the calm moments when the sea was quiet; moments when you, as parents, could, so to speak, steer the ship. I’m thankful because these are moments when you chose not to sleep on the wheel. In my opinion, this time is just as important and just as life-defining as the more dramatic ones. Letting your ship drift to the whims of the sea (almost) never leads to safe harbor. For all the moments when you made the intentional choice to be present for your children and attentive to our development, and when you took care to tend the garden around us while making sure there are no snakes wandering around; this is what I’m thankful for. As parents, one needs to be vigilant for it is precisely during quiet times that predators are on the prowl. One has to be on guard and ready to defend. While we were still young especially, and because of your love, you did not spare the rod when it was called for; it would have turned out the worse for us. You wisely discerned that permanent foolishness is more painful than the momentary yoke of discipline. People have varying opinions on this matter and it’s easy to make mistakes on this front (as each child is unique), but I’m thankful that you rather risked making mistakes and showed unwavering commitment to do this rather than making the far bigger mistake of not doing it altogether.
A good shepherd doesn’t just keep the wolves away, he also guides the way to green pastures. There’s a higher calling which involves teaching and imparting virtue to your children because it’s not enough to not go the wrong way, you need to be attuned enough to lead hearts and minds in the right direction. This isn’t an easy thing to do, it’s costly and laborious, and one must survey the hills in search of said pastures. It goes beyond merely imparting knowledge to cultivating a love for what is true, excellent and worthy of honor. Through your gracious influence, and by God’s grace, we all have come to know the One who’s the way, the truth and the life. What is more excellent than leading to the fountain of all joy? What greater inheritance than for your loved ones to inherit eternal life? In that, God gave you success; and for that, shout for joy! Even though this is a gift from God (for many have not received it, not for a lack of desire or effort), His grace towards you has certainly not been in vain. We’ve seen you pray and sing for joy to the God of your salvation and that was surely not without its effect on us, for we learned, by mimicking you, how to pray and sing for joy. And what an eternal debt!
And so, I’m writing this to encourage you (since that’s the name you gave me) that all your efforts were not in vain. In fact, nothing, in the Lord; no good work is ever in vain – even if sometimes it’d seem to be. Your sacrifices, your love, your patience, your endurance, your perseverance; all is seen and all will benefit us beyond your capacity to reckon. “Let your own works praise you in the gates” and may you “laugh at the time to come” (Prov 31). We love you and appreciate everything you’ve done and everything you’ve been to us and we want to rejoice with you today. May you, dear parents, live long enough to see many more and be, as your favorite psalm might put it, “satisfied” in your old age (Ps. 91).
Your loving son,
Remesha
